Just yesterday, I raised the question of, “When should one take a piss during Super Bowl Sunday?”. Calling it a major dilemma. Well, in the words of Lee Corso, “Not so fast my friend”, it looks like that has been trumped…And we just don’t have a dilemma, but we have a major crisis going on, (I know, so what else is new in this fukcing country). But a Super Bowl crisis…What’s up with that? The crisis…Will There Be Enough Chicken Wings Available Super Bowl Sunday?
While I was rambling on about checking out bathroom decors yesterday, the chicken industry alerted us that restaurants around Buffalo were experiencing shortages of chicken wings & very high prices, causing worry among owners and wing fans alike who are hoping the issues of the Northeast do not spread further through the country. Buffalo, the home of the wings…Damn, how bad can Super Bowl 43 get? Aside from the fact that Tampa’s a ghost town, Cardinals fans are MIA, tickets are being sold for pizza delivery prices, and asides from hearing about Kurt Warner, Larry Fitzgerald, and seeing the Boldin-Haley sideline miff, this is nothing more than a Kansas City Royals game. Now word hasn’t it we might not be able to go to our local Hooters and Winghouses on Sunday to enjoy some wings…Yes, Super Bowl XLIII needs a stimulus package too, Mr. President!
What, did Super Sunday sneak up on the chicken peeps? It’s not like this weekend doesn’t account for 5% of all wing consumption during the year, with over 1 billion wings eaten in all. That's a lot of chickens that died for your sins…To that I say…CHEERS!
So how did we get to this point of having a chicken wing shortage and it fallen on Super Bowl week no less? There’s 52 weeks in a freaking wings and it happens of all weeks this one! Just as everybody else is doing and filing bankruptcy so did Pilgrims Pride in December…Cutting the chicken supply by 25% in the U.S. Damn, how do I know so much about chicken? Add that to everything else going on in this freaking country, (see higher gas and feed prices last fall), and poor old Farmer Jack and company had no choice but to decrease production. Awesome! What’s next? Are we going to have to start smuggling in ranch dressing from other because of a shortage well? Will there be knock down, drag-outs brawls in the local supermarkets over bleu cheese? Peeps going to have to line up outside supermarkets like they do for the day after Thanksgiving sales in hopes of landing some celery in their carts? Yeah, God Bless America!
And if you want more bad news, it’s not like you can stock up on those items this year and save them for the Super Bowl XIV party without them going bad…Good theory to plan ahead since there’s no telling how worse shit will get for next year!
Although for all you pizza delivery dudes out there working Sunday…You have the potential to make a killing!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
When Should One Take a Piss on Super Bowl Sunday?
With Super Bowl Sunday this here lies a dilemma, not just any dilemma…I’m not talking a minor one, no, no, it’s a biggie. When is the right time to take a piss, (or if you’re not in the confines of your own pad, I guess the proper edict is, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the little boys room is…I must go relieve myself of this six pack of Miller Lite in my holding tank.". Yeah, yeah, whatever…Emily Post would be so proud! And oh yeah, don’t forget to wipe the seat and put it down when you’re done…Thank you!
In all seriousness though, when are we suppose to take a piss? During commercials? Are you fukcing kidding me? Check out the Little Boys room during commercials…That’s almost as bad as the cable company experiencing technical difficulties doing the game and suddenly you’re watching the series finale of The Sopranos again…Minus Steve Perry blaring! And I’m sure some have had this experience…Just fortunately Steve hasn’t teamed up with Brighthouse Cable and GPS my pad yet! But going to examine the bathroom décor during a Super Bowl ad? Okay, I’ll admit most are dumb and overrated and ponder why would you spend millions of dollars on the shit?
So the dilemma is, what’s more important…Make like a Nascar Pit stop, relieve oneself because their bladder is going to burst more so than Charlie Weis’s pants belt. All the while running out in under 10.2 seconds with your Calvin Kleins up, but your Levi’s still down around your ankles as if though you just got busted with a lot more than your hand in the cookie jar at the "No Tell Motel" by your ball-n-chain. No need to say, "it’s not what it looks like"…Because it is! As you don’t want to chance missing that one second beer ad on Sunday. No explanation needed.
Truth is, watching these Super Bowl spots can be more entertaining than the game itself, hopefully that’s not the case Sunday. Come Super Sunday we all need catheters otherwise that "splash and go" pit stop visit to the porcelain bowl just might have us missing this…
So what’s a guy to do when he has to take a piss Sunday? YEAH, IT’S A MAJOR DILEMMA…WHO KNEW?
In all seriousness though, when are we suppose to take a piss? During commercials? Are you fukcing kidding me? Check out the Little Boys room during commercials…That’s almost as bad as the cable company experiencing technical difficulties doing the game and suddenly you’re watching the series finale of The Sopranos again…Minus Steve Perry blaring! And I’m sure some have had this experience…Just fortunately Steve hasn’t teamed up with Brighthouse Cable and GPS my pad yet! But going to examine the bathroom décor during a Super Bowl ad? Okay, I’ll admit most are dumb and overrated and ponder why would you spend millions of dollars on the shit?
So the dilemma is, what’s more important…Make like a Nascar Pit stop, relieve oneself because their bladder is going to burst more so than Charlie Weis’s pants belt. All the while running out in under 10.2 seconds with your Calvin Kleins up, but your Levi’s still down around your ankles as if though you just got busted with a lot more than your hand in the cookie jar at the "No Tell Motel" by your ball-n-chain. No need to say, "it’s not what it looks like"…Because it is! As you don’t want to chance missing that one second beer ad on Sunday. No explanation needed.
Truth is, watching these Super Bowl spots can be more entertaining than the game itself, hopefully that’s not the case Sunday. Come Super Sunday we all need catheters otherwise that "splash and go" pit stop visit to the porcelain bowl just might have us missing this…
So what’s a guy to do when he has to take a piss Sunday? YEAH, IT’S A MAJOR DILEMMA…WHO KNEW?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
NFL Economics 401 Aides in Creating Super Bowl XLIV Logo
So here we are, mid-week of Super Bowl XLIII and we are already ODing on the wall to wall coverage of a single football game. Hell, the coverage that this one single football game gets…Well, Obama’s Inauguration can’t even hold its jock strap to. Okay, perhaps the game and the excessive coverage isn’t of that magnitude, (after all, it was history in the making) but anytime you get the Arizona Cardinals making a cameo appearance in the Super Bowl that’s history in itself too.
We all are aware, and it goes without saying that the Pittsburgh Steelers fans are one of the most loyal and best fan basis in all of sports…If not the best group of patrons in all of sports! How these fans follow their team around from venue to venue throughout the season year after year, it’s hard to say that any other sports franchise’s fans can resemble Steeler fans. What we witnessed as everybody flocked to Washington, D.C., last week is what the Steeler fans are known for…Following and supporting their team no matter what. And they’re rarely out numbered…Well, except for this week!
This week, if you aren’t living in "The Burgh" or some transplant Steeler fan living some place else…Chances are you’ve hopped aboard the Arizona Cardinals bandwagon. It’s okay, it’s okay, no reason to feel gulity…Your team has been sitting at home on the couch for about a month, (or in the case of the Detroit Lions, they never left there house in 2008) saying, "wait until next year"! (How about it, Cub fans)
Speaking of next year 29 other teams and the respective fans are already looking forward to a season from now! By the Arizona Cardinals punching their tickets for Tampa, it shows all 29 that anything’s possible, (well, aside from Oakland…even you Lions fans). So here we are appox. 96 hours until the game is kicked off on Super Sunday…Hump Day of Super Bowl week if you will, which got me to thinking. Is this a one shot deal for the Cardinals? Will they have a legitimate chance to make it to Super Bowl XLIV…Steelers, what are the chances for them? Screw those two teams, personally I want to know if my Bears will go back to the scene of the "Soakfest" in Soggy South Florida so my ass can enter an iron lung once again for about a fukcing month!
July seems like a long way off…Of course though there’s the NFL Draft in April, which at the time Mel Kiper Jr. will make his cameo appearance for three weeks…Unfortunately, the Draft is just like that blonde bombshell pole hugger Crystal! Knowing how to push all the right buttons and then leaving us with that empty feeling! For us who have a horse in the race, we look towards South Florida and Super Bowl XLIV. The two participating teams are still to be determined at a later date. However, one thing that’s not left for speculation is the Super Bowl logo for the 44th edition.
Now I was highly critical of this year’s Super Bowl until it began to grow on me…Same can be said for Super Bowl 42’s. I must say that next year’s Super Bowl I’d loved immediately, (and I know Roger Goodell is so happy to hear the Popcorn Popper say that). So by this, strictly going on the color scheme…It’s a foregone conclusion that Super Bowl XLIV will have a Broncos-Bears tilt. And in these economic tough times, they can use the same paint for the end zones as the logo. Now that’s NFL Economics 401 my friends!
Any Thoughts?
The Reality of it is... A Douchebag is Still a Fukc Face
Guess Terrell Owens can’t dub his show "Jackass", since that’s already taken. Perhaps this might be more of an appropriate title… "How to beat the T.O. Disease"
I’ll admit this will do better than "The Magic Hour" that was brought to us by Magic Johnson, simply because this sounds kinda interesting to watch yet also kinda ridiculous. Perhaps we’ll get a better understanding of how to get a good "driveway workout" when media outlets are hounding us? Perhaps we’ll learn the correct way of throwing people under the bus and the backing over them a few time. Perhaps T.O.’s going to teach us the correct way to look at ourselves in the mirror after watching him do it at least 30 times an episode…That’s not counting reflections in windows either. Maybe we’ll learn the appropriate way to be in front of a microphone, opening our horsey month and then swallowing it…All the while making that soundbyte into national headlines. Perhaps he sees this as another avenue to brainwash Cowboys fans into thinking that he’s really a swell guy and the media portrays him out to be cancer…It’s either that, or Cowboys fans are a bunch of dumbasses, just like the one who owns them! See the correct way to be an All-Pro pill popper.
What the hell is up with VH1? I thought, you know they were known for, um, music videos? What the hell ever happened to "Pop-Up Video", damn! I guess we shouldn’t be surprised of all of this…The more ridiculous it is, the more the publc fukc heads eat it up! Case and point, this same network gave burnt out/washed out rocker Bret Michaels "Rock of Love" after finding 30 or so groupies that wanted to be with his loser ass simply for his money because they don't want to work. Bret, eat your heart out…And oh yeah, getcha popcorn ready, never know when Pacman Jones will make a cameo! Word has it, he doesn’t have shit to do! Perhaps Flava Fave, sprinkle in some Ray J too! Yeah, the new marketing slogan for VH1, and yes, they just came up with a new one..."Where celebrities and athletes go to die." How appropriate!
Although let’s look at it from a career perspective…Big D is certainly his last stop in the league! And if Jerry Jones was smart, (and if I was Hugh Hefner) BLOwens career in Dallas would be over! Though, gotta hand it to Mr. Team Cancer for trying to prepare himself for life after football…He knows the end is soon! Lost a couple steps, has the very infectious disease of "Cast-Iron Skillet Hands"…And in this economy, gotta strike when the iron is hot! And to think we wonder everyday why this country has gone down the shitter…It’s a no wonder people in this country are fukcing idiots. They watch crap like this. In defense of this reality shit I will say that the "Simple Life" taught me that Wal-Mart isn’t a store where one can buy walls…Until then, I was in the closet on that.
However, it’s no wonder why Jerry Jones is in love with his bff’s BLOwens and Micheal Irvin…They’re two pickles from the same jar. They’re fukcing clones…Always keeping the Cowboys in the headlines! We all know how much Jerry gets his rocks off about that, don’t we? Likely he’s in full support of this!
Is it just me, or do others see this same picture of when Terrell BLOwens was "Little T", you know damn well he was the kid that was always showboating and trying to get people to watch him, the "it's my ball, and if I don't like it, I will take it and go home" type. Always craving attention back then. Here’s my theory…
When T.O. can't play anymore and the media tires of his antics and there is no more room in the spotlight for his ego, the man will be on suicide watch. He doesn't know how to live without attention and will not be able to handle fading into obscurity. The blame for his suicidal state of being will be directed at the media for how they mistreated him and how he was simply misunderstood and portrayed wrongly…Just as it always is/was! I think I'll vomit now rather than wait!
The REALITY OF IT IS... A douchebag is still a fukc face!
Look for this to come to a boob tube near you this summer…Kudos to VH!
Awesome…Can’t Wait!
I’ll admit this will do better than "The Magic Hour" that was brought to us by Magic Johnson, simply because this sounds kinda interesting to watch yet also kinda ridiculous. Perhaps we’ll get a better understanding of how to get a good "driveway workout" when media outlets are hounding us? Perhaps we’ll learn the correct way of throwing people under the bus and the backing over them a few time. Perhaps T.O.’s going to teach us the correct way to look at ourselves in the mirror after watching him do it at least 30 times an episode…That’s not counting reflections in windows either. Maybe we’ll learn the appropriate way to be in front of a microphone, opening our horsey month and then swallowing it…All the while making that soundbyte into national headlines. Perhaps he sees this as another avenue to brainwash Cowboys fans into thinking that he’s really a swell guy and the media portrays him out to be cancer…It’s either that, or Cowboys fans are a bunch of dumbasses, just like the one who owns them! See the correct way to be an All-Pro pill popper.
What the hell is up with VH1? I thought, you know they were known for, um, music videos? What the hell ever happened to "Pop-Up Video", damn! I guess we shouldn’t be surprised of all of this…The more ridiculous it is, the more the publc fukc heads eat it up! Case and point, this same network gave burnt out/washed out rocker Bret Michaels "Rock of Love" after finding 30 or so groupies that wanted to be with his loser ass simply for his money because they don't want to work. Bret, eat your heart out…And oh yeah, getcha popcorn ready, never know when Pacman Jones will make a cameo! Word has it, he doesn’t have shit to do! Perhaps Flava Fave, sprinkle in some Ray J too! Yeah, the new marketing slogan for VH1, and yes, they just came up with a new one..."Where celebrities and athletes go to die." How appropriate!
Although let’s look at it from a career perspective…Big D is certainly his last stop in the league! And if Jerry Jones was smart, (and if I was Hugh Hefner) BLOwens career in Dallas would be over! Though, gotta hand it to Mr. Team Cancer for trying to prepare himself for life after football…He knows the end is soon! Lost a couple steps, has the very infectious disease of "Cast-Iron Skillet Hands"…And in this economy, gotta strike when the iron is hot! And to think we wonder everyday why this country has gone down the shitter…It’s a no wonder people in this country are fukcing idiots. They watch crap like this. In defense of this reality shit I will say that the "Simple Life" taught me that Wal-Mart isn’t a store where one can buy walls…Until then, I was in the closet on that.
However, it’s no wonder why Jerry Jones is in love with his bff’s BLOwens and Micheal Irvin…They’re two pickles from the same jar. They’re fukcing clones…Always keeping the Cowboys in the headlines! We all know how much Jerry gets his rocks off about that, don’t we? Likely he’s in full support of this!
Is it just me, or do others see this same picture of when Terrell BLOwens was "Little T", you know damn well he was the kid that was always showboating and trying to get people to watch him, the "it's my ball, and if I don't like it, I will take it and go home" type. Always craving attention back then. Here’s my theory…
When T.O. can't play anymore and the media tires of his antics and there is no more room in the spotlight for his ego, the man will be on suicide watch. He doesn't know how to live without attention and will not be able to handle fading into obscurity. The blame for his suicidal state of being will be directed at the media for how they mistreated him and how he was simply misunderstood and portrayed wrongly…Just as it always is/was! I think I'll vomit now rather than wait!
The REALITY OF IT IS... A douchebag is still a fukc face!
Look for this to come to a boob tube near you this summer…Kudos to VH!
Awesome…Can’t Wait!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
You're Fired...
And with that, that’s the result of winning a basketball game 100-0 and refusing to be on board with an apology given by the rest of us, (the rest of us being Covenant School, a private Christian institution)!! Let this be a lesson to all…Nobody, and I mean nobody fukcs around with the headmaster of a private school!
By now, we’ve all heard about this story, (at least I hope everybody has, if not, glad to see caveman are still alive and doing well in some places) and who the blame should go to…Why was this game scheduled in the first place, so on, and so forth. Wanting to hold the person who scheduled this game between the two schools accountable. While there may be a lot of merit to that, the fact of the matter is/was that the game was scheduled!! And nobody can argue with the fact that every high school coach in the country does know about and has insight to teams that appear on their schedule. I don’t care how bull shit/kindergarten the “scouting report” may be, the fact of the matter is that coach Micah Grimes' had to know at least a little something about Dallas Academy and what they bring to the court…And the potential that this game had a very good possibility of getting out of hand. That’s one of the responsibilities of Coaching 101…To prepare your team accordingly! Not just to collect a little more money! And if he didn’t know, well, Grimes wasn’t living up to the full meaning of the word “coach” in that regard as well!
Although, in the full meaning of the word “coach”, yes, try to put the players in the best position to win, try expanding players knowledge of the game, and everything else one can think of that goes along with playing athletics. Besides all that, and more importantly a “coach” is in a position to pass along valuable lessons about life to his/her players through competitive athletics. Lessons that when the games are over and most are forgotten, the life lessons learned through practices, games, etc. will last a life time. Grimes was in that position in facing Dallas Academy…A chance to teach his players a very valuable lesson and surprisingly a lesson that few high school teams have. Turning this for all intensive purposes into a positive…Instead of taking full advantage of the situation and acting like a responsible adult he chose to take them behind the woodshed!
Now what kind of life lesson is that? An academy boasts of its small class sizes and specializes in teaching students struggling with "learning differences," such as short attention spans or dyslexia. Who has eight girls on its varsity team and about 20 girls in its high school…And you’re going to go BCS on their asses! Again very responsible! A parent who attended the game said Covenant continued to make 3-pointers _ even in the fourth quarter…Saying spectators and an assistant coach were cheering wildly as their team edged closer to 100 points. Again, way to teach valuable life lessons!
And then to make yourself look like a bigger ass, you don’t apologize! Stating…
"In response to the statement posted on The Covenant School Web site, I do not agree with the apology or the notion that the Covenant School girls basketball team should feel embarrassed or ashamed," Grimes wrote in the e-mail, according to the Dallas Morning News. "We played the game as it was meant to be played. My values and my beliefs would not allow me to run up the score on any opponent, and it will not allow me to apologize for a wide-margin victory when my girls played with honor and integrity."
“Played the game as it was meant to be played…My values and my beliefs would not allow me to run up the score on any opponent.” Good to see you have the ability to talk out of both sides of your piehole! It appears that Grimes just may be that one who was on his high school basketball team, but never played, (every team has one)…Just good to see he’s not bitter or holds a grudge or anything like that! Gee, it’s a real shocker to me why you got canned!
Although, it’s debatable whether a 100-0 victory is grounds for firing one coach, the 100 point margin is just an extension of what kind of person Grimes really is! And while Coach Dickhead failed in teaching his girls a valuable life lesson that they would’ve remembered for years to come…It’s good to see The Covenant School didn’t fail in their attempt to convey a lesson! And that is that everybody needs to be held accountable for his or her own actions!! Incidentally, isn’t that really the purpose of schools first and foremost…To teach?
And somehow I don’t see an apologize coming out of the Headmaster’s office either for you dismissal, pal!
By now, we’ve all heard about this story, (at least I hope everybody has, if not, glad to see caveman are still alive and doing well in some places) and who the blame should go to…Why was this game scheduled in the first place, so on, and so forth. Wanting to hold the person who scheduled this game between the two schools accountable. While there may be a lot of merit to that, the fact of the matter is/was that the game was scheduled!! And nobody can argue with the fact that every high school coach in the country does know about and has insight to teams that appear on their schedule. I don’t care how bull shit/kindergarten the “scouting report” may be, the fact of the matter is that coach Micah Grimes' had to know at least a little something about Dallas Academy and what they bring to the court…And the potential that this game had a very good possibility of getting out of hand. That’s one of the responsibilities of Coaching 101…To prepare your team accordingly! Not just to collect a little more money! And if he didn’t know, well, Grimes wasn’t living up to the full meaning of the word “coach” in that regard as well!
Although, in the full meaning of the word “coach”, yes, try to put the players in the best position to win, try expanding players knowledge of the game, and everything else one can think of that goes along with playing athletics. Besides all that, and more importantly a “coach” is in a position to pass along valuable lessons about life to his/her players through competitive athletics. Lessons that when the games are over and most are forgotten, the life lessons learned through practices, games, etc. will last a life time. Grimes was in that position in facing Dallas Academy…A chance to teach his players a very valuable lesson and surprisingly a lesson that few high school teams have. Turning this for all intensive purposes into a positive…Instead of taking full advantage of the situation and acting like a responsible adult he chose to take them behind the woodshed!
Now what kind of life lesson is that? An academy boasts of its small class sizes and specializes in teaching students struggling with "learning differences," such as short attention spans or dyslexia. Who has eight girls on its varsity team and about 20 girls in its high school…And you’re going to go BCS on their asses! Again very responsible! A parent who attended the game said Covenant continued to make 3-pointers _ even in the fourth quarter…Saying spectators and an assistant coach were cheering wildly as their team edged closer to 100 points. Again, way to teach valuable life lessons!
And then to make yourself look like a bigger ass, you don’t apologize! Stating…
"In response to the statement posted on The Covenant School Web site, I do not agree with the apology or the notion that the Covenant School girls basketball team should feel embarrassed or ashamed," Grimes wrote in the e-mail, according to the Dallas Morning News. "We played the game as it was meant to be played. My values and my beliefs would not allow me to run up the score on any opponent, and it will not allow me to apologize for a wide-margin victory when my girls played with honor and integrity."
“Played the game as it was meant to be played…My values and my beliefs would not allow me to run up the score on any opponent.” Good to see you have the ability to talk out of both sides of your piehole! It appears that Grimes just may be that one who was on his high school basketball team, but never played, (every team has one)…Just good to see he’s not bitter or holds a grudge or anything like that! Gee, it’s a real shocker to me why you got canned!
Although, it’s debatable whether a 100-0 victory is grounds for firing one coach, the 100 point margin is just an extension of what kind of person Grimes really is! And while Coach Dickhead failed in teaching his girls a valuable life lesson that they would’ve remembered for years to come…It’s good to see The Covenant School didn’t fail in their attempt to convey a lesson! And that is that everybody needs to be held accountable for his or her own actions!! Incidentally, isn’t that really the purpose of schools first and foremost…To teach?
And somehow I don’t see an apologize coming out of the Headmaster’s office either for you dismissal, pal!
First Ballot Hall of Famer…
Few weeks ago, (or perhaps it was last week, as I give a shit about baseball) Major League Baseball inducted their new class into Cooperstown and now with Super Bowl week upon us, that means it’s the National Football League’s turn to select their newest class into Canton later this summer. Now for all of us Joe the Plumbers out there, it seems we are all constantly hearing from voters, “Well, I had trouble voting for Player A because of this”, “Player B didn’t get my vote because I feel like a player who has been on the ballot for going on 10 years deserves to get in first.” Or this is my favorite, “Player C deserves to get into the Hall, just he’s not a first ballot Hall of Famer…But will get my vote eventually.”
Yes, I love that one…That is just simply awesome! Okay, Cal Ripken Jr., Tony Gwinn, John Elway, Joe Montana…We all knew they were locks to get in on their first try. Although, um, yeah…Candidates up for Hall of Fame consideration, yeah, all those stats that they accumulated throughout their careers, those aren’t going to change any! It’s not like one can make out with Captain Morgan all night and make the numbers more attractive, on second thought you may be able to…If it works on women, who knows? However when the side affects wear off, besides having one hell of a hangover, the stats are still the same. Just as the 250-pound sow, she’s still a sow even though she looked like a Playboy Playmate through those beer goggles…She still needs that pork chop around her neck for men or dogs to play with her!
Amen to Jim Rice for finally getting into the Hall! Now he might’ve not been a first ballot Hall of Famer, but I’m pretty sure that all his stats on the back of those Topps baseball cards never changed year after year…That’s just a guess! Although I’m not the sharpest nail in the box! So why after so long, why now? What makes him get in now? Same can be said for Art Monk last year…Had numbers to be a first ballot member, but yet was bypassed until a year ago? Hell if a woman is hot…Well, she’s F-ing hot! And if she’s not, well, she’s not. And it’s not just these two, it’s for everybody who has proven over time that they deserve to be in…Accomplishments and accolades don’t change once a player decides to hang up the cleats. Can’t go back and change shit…Just like O.J. can’t go back and not commit a double murder. He’s a murder, no matter how long he rots in jail…No matter which way you look at it, that’s how he’s perceived!
Okay, I don’t know how I just drew the comparison of being inducted into the Hall of Fame to a killer…But hey, shit happens! Mark McGwire…Hall of Famer, quite simply yes or no! Not on, “well, how many years has he been on the ballot?” Kurt Warner, yes or no! Not, “well first he has to get into the Supermarket Sweep Hall of Fame to be worthy of consideration!” Either you’re worthy of playing in the Super Bowl or your not, (I know it changes every, but go with me here). Either you’re drunk or you’re not!
“First Ballot Hall of Famer”…This phrase falls into the same category as, “Our backs are up against the wall!”…Not to be out done by, “The game face is on tonight!” What the hell is that?
Yes, I love that one…That is just simply awesome! Okay, Cal Ripken Jr., Tony Gwinn, John Elway, Joe Montana…We all knew they were locks to get in on their first try. Although, um, yeah…Candidates up for Hall of Fame consideration, yeah, all those stats that they accumulated throughout their careers, those aren’t going to change any! It’s not like one can make out with Captain Morgan all night and make the numbers more attractive, on second thought you may be able to…If it works on women, who knows? However when the side affects wear off, besides having one hell of a hangover, the stats are still the same. Just as the 250-pound sow, she’s still a sow even though she looked like a Playboy Playmate through those beer goggles…She still needs that pork chop around her neck for men or dogs to play with her!
Amen to Jim Rice for finally getting into the Hall! Now he might’ve not been a first ballot Hall of Famer, but I’m pretty sure that all his stats on the back of those Topps baseball cards never changed year after year…That’s just a guess! Although I’m not the sharpest nail in the box! So why after so long, why now? What makes him get in now? Same can be said for Art Monk last year…Had numbers to be a first ballot member, but yet was bypassed until a year ago? Hell if a woman is hot…Well, she’s F-ing hot! And if she’s not, well, she’s not. And it’s not just these two, it’s for everybody who has proven over time that they deserve to be in…Accomplishments and accolades don’t change once a player decides to hang up the cleats. Can’t go back and change shit…Just like O.J. can’t go back and not commit a double murder. He’s a murder, no matter how long he rots in jail…No matter which way you look at it, that’s how he’s perceived!
Okay, I don’t know how I just drew the comparison of being inducted into the Hall of Fame to a killer…But hey, shit happens! Mark McGwire…Hall of Famer, quite simply yes or no! Not on, “well, how many years has he been on the ballot?” Kurt Warner, yes or no! Not, “well first he has to get into the Supermarket Sweep Hall of Fame to be worthy of consideration!” Either you’re worthy of playing in the Super Bowl or your not, (I know it changes every, but go with me here). Either you’re drunk or you’re not!
“First Ballot Hall of Famer”…This phrase falls into the same category as, “Our backs are up against the wall!”…Not to be out done by, “The game face is on tonight!” What the hell is that?
Monday, January 26, 2009
Who’s America’s Sexiest Sportscaster…Playboy Wants to Know
Sports and hot women…Is there anything better than this? Of course with hot being the key word…Otherwise if she’s not hot at first, just keep making out with your favorite adult beverage until that’s the case! Well, I suppose if you’re one Hugh Hefner, life’s better. Or if one is lucky enough to have the opportunity of having some tasteful Playboy eye candy all to his own evoking in some strenuous bed workouts with regularity with Miss, (who cares what month and year…just nothing before 1968, at least for me anyway) then my guess is that you can seemingly give a shit about these tough economic times this country’s going through...And, well, who can blame you!
Nevertheless, for us Joe Six Pack’s out there…The reality is that we’ll end up with a constant from the Betty Buttaface Beauty Pageant. And we’re alright with that, (not thrilled, but alright) it’s just how life goes…With fully accepting that fact! Doesn’t mean we wouldn’t trade in our ball-n-chain at a moments notice for those who are fortunate enough to wear the little bunny ears on their heads while actually being able to not only wear a bunny outfit, but look damn good in the process, (again, that being the key).
So on this being Super Bowl week…When all the eyes are on the sports landscape, Playboy has asked a very difficult question! Even more difficult to answer what happened to Barrett Robins on the eve of Super Bowl XXXVII, (that’s 37 for all you non roman numeral comprehenders)…Or, where in the F*** did Thurman Thomas’s helmet go in Super Bowl XXVI, (again, that’s 26). Even more difficult than the questions that Eugene Robinson had going through his melon on the eve of Super Bowl XXXIII, (33) trying to get in a bed workout too. Oops, in that case…Just too bad it was an undercover officer. I wonder what hurts more…Losing the Super Bowl or getting busted for trying to pick up an undercover officer on the corner or Suck & Fukc?
Nevertheless, Playboy’s asking a tough question…Who’s America’s Sexiest Sportscaster? Now these types of polls are like assholes…Everybody has them. Although as sports fans, we vote in every one of them, and love it. Whether it’s sportscasters, females in sports, or just women in general. Why? Simply because we salivate like an Old English Sheepdog over sports and good looking women…Without either or, think how bad life would suck! We’re always intrigued by the results of them…
http://www.playboy.com/arts-entertainment/features/sexiest-sportscaster-2009/
Okay, after seeing the list, I’m pretty sure we all know who’s going to reign supreme here, it would appear that four of the constants are the 0-16 Detroit Lions going up against the New England Patriots of a year ago B.S.B.X.L.I.I., (that’s Before Super Bowl XLII). Then again if the Arizona Cardinals can make a cameo appearance in the Super Bowl and an African-American, (half I might add) be living in the White House…Then, well, any damn thing is possible.
My Fav Five looks this way…
Erin Andrews
Molly Sullivan – GO REBELS
Bonnie Bernstein
Charissa Thompson
Lauren Shehadi
I wonder which one(s) Charles Barkley would run a red light for? Have it be known, I’d run red lights for all five…I show no discrimination!
Nevertheless, for us Joe Six Pack’s out there…The reality is that we’ll end up with a constant from the Betty Buttaface Beauty Pageant. And we’re alright with that, (not thrilled, but alright) it’s just how life goes…With fully accepting that fact! Doesn’t mean we wouldn’t trade in our ball-n-chain at a moments notice for those who are fortunate enough to wear the little bunny ears on their heads while actually being able to not only wear a bunny outfit, but look damn good in the process, (again, that being the key).
So on this being Super Bowl week…When all the eyes are on the sports landscape, Playboy has asked a very difficult question! Even more difficult to answer what happened to Barrett Robins on the eve of Super Bowl XXXVII, (that’s 37 for all you non roman numeral comprehenders)…Or, where in the F*** did Thurman Thomas’s helmet go in Super Bowl XXVI, (again, that’s 26). Even more difficult than the questions that Eugene Robinson had going through his melon on the eve of Super Bowl XXXIII, (33) trying to get in a bed workout too. Oops, in that case…Just too bad it was an undercover officer. I wonder what hurts more…Losing the Super Bowl or getting busted for trying to pick up an undercover officer on the corner or Suck & Fukc?
Nevertheless, Playboy’s asking a tough question…Who’s America’s Sexiest Sportscaster? Now these types of polls are like assholes…Everybody has them. Although as sports fans, we vote in every one of them, and love it. Whether it’s sportscasters, females in sports, or just women in general. Why? Simply because we salivate like an Old English Sheepdog over sports and good looking women…Without either or, think how bad life would suck! We’re always intrigued by the results of them…
http://www.playboy.com/arts-entertainment/features/sexiest-sportscaster-2009/
Okay, after seeing the list, I’m pretty sure we all know who’s going to reign supreme here, it would appear that four of the constants are the 0-16 Detroit Lions going up against the New England Patriots of a year ago B.S.B.X.L.I.I., (that’s Before Super Bowl XLII). Then again if the Arizona Cardinals can make a cameo appearance in the Super Bowl and an African-American, (half I might add) be living in the White House…Then, well, any damn thing is possible.
My Fav Five looks this way…
Erin Andrews
Molly Sullivan – GO REBELS
Bonnie Bernstein
Charissa Thompson
Lauren Shehadi
I wonder which one(s) Charles Barkley would run a red light for? Have it be known, I’d run red lights for all five…I show no discrimination!
A Warner Story That Few Have Heard…
Super Bowl week has finally arrived, which means every sound byte will be overplayed, every non-story will grab national headlines…Basically, if a bear shit in the woods, we’ll hear about it this week and analysts will probe it to no end up until kickoff. Instead of being about a single football game, this week has become more about a media spectacle that they’ve made it. Ironically that’s what makes the game what it is today…Everything is blown way out of proportion. We’ve already know that sometime this week Mike Tomlin will be asked, “How long has he been a black coach?”. We already know at some point Ben Roethlisberger is going to be asked, “How many times he continues to ride a motorcycle without a helmet”? Anquan Bolden is going to be told by a reporter, “don’t call me that!” And of course Kurt Warner is going to be asked the very important question, “Paper or plastic?”.
It goes without saying Warner’s story should one day be told in Hollywood. And yet again, he’ll be in the media spotlight all this week. A grocery checkout bagger…Who goes undrafted from the University of Northern Iowa. Which ends up making a splash as the signal caller for the Iowa Barnstormers that leads to the NFL. Who gets a chance only thanks to Trent Green slicing and dicing his knee…Then oh yeah, just winds up in the Super Bowl that year, winning it, (with the Rams no less) and being named Super Bowl MVP. Throw in a couple League MVP’s…And yeah, we all know that story. We also know the story of Warner being a position warmer for both Eli Manning and Matt Leinart. While never given the chance in New York, once again Warner in the desert defied the odds, (how ironic before the Rams migrated to St Louis, the Cardinals had their nest there)…Having been all but left for career dead, and brought into tutor a young quarterback, Kurt has now brought another NFL franchise to the big game that has us scratching our melons and saying, “Are you F-ING serious!?” We did that with the Rams, and once again saying it nine years later with the Cardinals. A cat with such faith, which has made headlines as well throughout his NFL career has given faith to two franchises that before he arrived there were NFL doormats!
From stock boy to Pro Football Hall of Famer some day, (which is debatable to some, for me, it’s a no brainer) a hell of a story!! Although just when you think you’ve heard everything about Mr. All-Pro Bagger/Stocker, as only Kurt can do, he defies you once again!
Over the weekend the following story landed in my inbox…Normally I don’t read half the shit people forward to me, but since good ole grama sent it to me, I gave it a looksy. To my surprise in reading this following story, it’s a story that never knew or heard about him! A story that hasn’t gotten nearly the attention it should have…Nothing to do with sports, but rather the game that’s called life. And perhaps that’s why it hasn’t grabbed headlines…Although it’s another hell of a story! Even better than the one that he’s written for Hollywood on the football fields…
KURTIS THE STOCK BOY AND BRENDA THE CHECKOUT GIRL
In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4. Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye, the new check-out girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in love.
Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card, BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road. Next day, he waited outside as she left the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again, outside of work. She simply said it wasn't possible.
He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter. Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date for the following Saturday. That Saturday night he arrived at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids with us."
She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought him inside to meet her children. She had an older daughter who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down Syndrome.
Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first husband and father of her children had done. Kurtis was not ordinary - - - he had a different mindset.
That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him. When he needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him and brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children. Since then they have added two more kids.
So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out girl?
Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona , where he is currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for a possible appearance in the Super Bowl. Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was not an ordinary person.
Surprising? Yes…Should we be surprised what this cat does? Not at all…It’s what we’ve come to expect from Kurtis!
It goes without saying Warner’s story should one day be told in Hollywood. And yet again, he’ll be in the media spotlight all this week. A grocery checkout bagger…Who goes undrafted from the University of Northern Iowa. Which ends up making a splash as the signal caller for the Iowa Barnstormers that leads to the NFL. Who gets a chance only thanks to Trent Green slicing and dicing his knee…Then oh yeah, just winds up in the Super Bowl that year, winning it, (with the Rams no less) and being named Super Bowl MVP. Throw in a couple League MVP’s…And yeah, we all know that story. We also know the story of Warner being a position warmer for both Eli Manning and Matt Leinart. While never given the chance in New York, once again Warner in the desert defied the odds, (how ironic before the Rams migrated to St Louis, the Cardinals had their nest there)…Having been all but left for career dead, and brought into tutor a young quarterback, Kurt has now brought another NFL franchise to the big game that has us scratching our melons and saying, “Are you F-ING serious!?” We did that with the Rams, and once again saying it nine years later with the Cardinals. A cat with such faith, which has made headlines as well throughout his NFL career has given faith to two franchises that before he arrived there were NFL doormats!
From stock boy to Pro Football Hall of Famer some day, (which is debatable to some, for me, it’s a no brainer) a hell of a story!! Although just when you think you’ve heard everything about Mr. All-Pro Bagger/Stocker, as only Kurt can do, he defies you once again!
Over the weekend the following story landed in my inbox…Normally I don’t read half the shit people forward to me, but since good ole grama sent it to me, I gave it a looksy. To my surprise in reading this following story, it’s a story that never knew or heard about him! A story that hasn’t gotten nearly the attention it should have…Nothing to do with sports, but rather the game that’s called life. And perhaps that’s why it hasn’t grabbed headlines…Although it’s another hell of a story! Even better than the one that he’s written for Hollywood on the football fields…
KURTIS THE STOCK BOY AND BRENDA THE CHECKOUT GIRL
In a supermarket, Kurtis the stock boy, was busily working when a new voice came over the loud speaker asking for a carry out at register 4. Kurtis was almost finished, and wanted to get some fresh air, and decided to answer the call. As he approached the check-out stand a distant smile caught his eye, the new check-out girl was beautiful. She was an older woman (maybe 26, and he was only 22) and he fell in love.
Later that day, after his shift was over, he waited by the punch clock to find out her name. She came into the break room, smiled softly at him, took her card and punched out, then left. He looked at her card, BRENDA. He walked out only to see her start walking up the road. Next day, he waited outside as she left the supermarket, and offered her a ride home. He looked harmless enough, and she accepted. When he dropped her off, he asked if maybe he could see her again, outside of work. She simply said it wasn't possible.
He pressed and she explained she had two children and she couldn't afford a baby-sitter, so he offered to pay for the baby-sitter. Reluctantly she accepted his offer for a date for the following Saturday. That Saturday night he arrived at her door only to have her tell him that she was unable to go with him. The baby-sitter had called and canceled. To which Kurtis simply said, "Well, let's take the kids with us."
She tried to explain that taking the children was not an option, but again not taking no for an answer, he pressed. Finally Brenda, brought him inside to meet her children. She had an older daughter who was just as cute as a bug, Kurtis thought, then Brenda brought out her son, in a wheelchair. He was born a paraplegic with Down Syndrome.
Kurtis asked Brenda, "I still don't understand why the kids can't come with us?" Brenda was amazed. Most men would run away from a woman with two kids, especially if one had disabilities - just like her first husband and father of her children had done. Kurtis was not ordinary - - - he had a different mindset.
That evening Kurtis and Brenda loaded up the kids, went to dinner and the movies. When her son needed anything Kurtis would take care of him. When he needed to use the restroom, he picked him up out of his wheelchair, took him and brought him back. The kids loved Kurtis. At the end of the evening, Brenda knew this was the man she was going to marry and spend the rest of her life with. A year later, they were married and Kurtis adopted both of her children. Since then they have added two more kids.
So what happened to Kurtis the stock boy and Brenda the check-out girl?
Well, Mr. & Mrs. Kurt Warner now live in Arizona , where he is currently employed as the quarterback of the National Football League Arizona Cardinals and has his Cardinals in the hunt for a possible appearance in the Super Bowl. Is this a surprise ending or could you have guessed that he was not an ordinary person.
Surprising? Yes…Should we be surprised what this cat does? Not at all…It’s what we’ve come to expect from Kurtis!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Plaxico Burress On Gun Safety
Ever since Plaxico Burress tried to de-nutt himself and the Giants told him they didn't need him any more, (or so they thought) we really have seen or heard from this cat. Which got me to thinking, I wondering what this train wreck has been doing with his sorry ass life since flying football aren't coming towards him anymore.
Well, finally it seems Plax's life has made a turn for the better...Trying to turn that little sweatpants-nightclub incident into a positive by reaching out to young thugs in the inner city by doing public service annoucements...Here have a peak.
Look for Plax to reach out to Pacman Jones to team up in a collaberation public message to be coming to a boob tube near you
Well, finally it seems Plax's life has made a turn for the better...Trying to turn that little sweatpants-nightclub incident into a positive by reaching out to young thugs in the inner city by doing public service annoucements...Here have a peak.
Look for Plax to reach out to Pacman Jones to team up in a collaberation public message to be coming to a boob tube near you
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mark Sanchez Tops Pete Carroll’s Shitlist
Declaring pro and making oneself eligible for the draft is supposed to be a life long child’s dream finally fulfilled. So then why is it that when Sanchez declared that he was going pro yesterday at his press conference, you got a sense that the warm and fuzzy feeling was absent…Rather, the bone chilling, frosty temperatures that have gripped the nation this week found it’s way into the press room at USC. Rather, than this announcement being a celebration of sorts, did anybody get the feeling that they were watching a prelude to Sanchez’s funeral?
Pete Carroll to Mark Sanchez…
"You go against the grain?" "Not only that, you’re going against my wishes for you! After the track record that I’ve had with developing NFL prospects, how could you go against this advice????"
"GOOD LUCK PAL…YOU’RE GOING TO NEED IT!" "You think you know more than me and know better what’s best for you…Yeah, we’ll see about that BUD!"
Um, two words Pete…Matt Leinart! That’s of course besides the obvious ones… "Dollars and Sense"!
To say that Big Pete was less than thrilled with the decision, is like saying Kedra Wilkinson didn’t ditch the Playboy Mansion for more nookie. Okay, so he did half ass say that he was "thrilled" for Sanchez…So why then the cold brush off? It’s not like Sanchez isn’t replaceable at SC. Pete Carroll and his football factory out there don’t even get hurt due to players leaving…For every player that leaves, they have a shit load of other players waiting in the wings.
Take a looksy at what Trojan beat writer Scott Wolf, described the scene as "pathetic":
USC coach Pete Carroll was extremely ungracious during the Mark Sanchez press conference. He stormed out of the room and did not even sit at the table before Sanchez addressed the media. Something he never did when Matt Leinart, etc., announced their decisions. Carroll never sat down at the table but stood with his palms on the table. His anger was clear if you spend time around him. Not a great moment.
Good to see he’s dealing with not winning a National Championship for another year so well!Look, my opinion of Sanchez coming out before I heard Carroll’s "peeviness" was one of complete surprise. I thought he’d stay around as Bradford and McCoy are doing…Especially since this was the only year as a starting signal caller. Become better. However, how experienced one is as a starter may be a bit overrated especially at SC…Um, can anybody say Matt Cassell? Was good enough to start over Hollywood Matt…But now who’s laughing? Mister Hollywood can’t beat out a 37-year grocery bagger…Nor will he ever! Staying in LALA and taking dance 101 sure did help him and his career as a backup, now didn’t it!
It’s no secret that there’s a 50/50 shot of quarterbacks making a splash in the NFL to those who go boom. For every Peyton Manning there’s Ryan Leaf…Where there’s a Drew Bledsoe, Rick Mirer isn’t too far behind. Daute Culpepper and Cade McNown. Hell, for all we know Sanchez just might be better than Stafford. If Carroll’s not on board, he’s not on board, although doesn’t it seem sort of bush-league for Carroll to suggest to a rapt audience, basically, that look for this kid to fail in the NFL by the decision he’s made here today. Now we’d all expect this sort of temper tantrum out of Urban Meyer perhaps, but it’s surprising coming from Petey!
Okay, so "Mark’s going against the grain", while that for all intensive purposes is true…My guess is Reggie Bush went "with the grain" when he skipped his senior season, (aside the fact that he needed to pay people off, but we won’t go there) and, um, how has that turned out? Oh yeah, the newest version of Tony Mandarich. Vince Young went with the grain…Now he’s a basket case. Yes, "the grain" might be a measuring factor, but you don’t know any better what Mark’s going to be at the next level than some unemployed fat ass couch potato stuffing his piehole with some Cheetos and turning the remote control orange! So why don’t you make like your him and go do that…I’m sure Sanchez will buy you a bag with the jack that will be coming his way in April courtesy of his "going against the grain" yesterday!
And for you next press conference…Could you say your "disappointment" a little louder!
Pete Carroll to Mark Sanchez…
"You go against the grain?" "Not only that, you’re going against my wishes for you! After the track record that I’ve had with developing NFL prospects, how could you go against this advice????"
"GOOD LUCK PAL…YOU’RE GOING TO NEED IT!" "You think you know more than me and know better what’s best for you…Yeah, we’ll see about that BUD!"
Um, two words Pete…Matt Leinart! That’s of course besides the obvious ones… "Dollars and Sense"!
To say that Big Pete was less than thrilled with the decision, is like saying Kedra Wilkinson didn’t ditch the Playboy Mansion for more nookie. Okay, so he did half ass say that he was "thrilled" for Sanchez…So why then the cold brush off? It’s not like Sanchez isn’t replaceable at SC. Pete Carroll and his football factory out there don’t even get hurt due to players leaving…For every player that leaves, they have a shit load of other players waiting in the wings.
Take a looksy at what Trojan beat writer Scott Wolf, described the scene as "pathetic":
USC coach Pete Carroll was extremely ungracious during the Mark Sanchez press conference. He stormed out of the room and did not even sit at the table before Sanchez addressed the media. Something he never did when Matt Leinart, etc., announced their decisions. Carroll never sat down at the table but stood with his palms on the table. His anger was clear if you spend time around him. Not a great moment.
Good to see he’s dealing with not winning a National Championship for another year so well!Look, my opinion of Sanchez coming out before I heard Carroll’s "peeviness" was one of complete surprise. I thought he’d stay around as Bradford and McCoy are doing…Especially since this was the only year as a starting signal caller. Become better. However, how experienced one is as a starter may be a bit overrated especially at SC…Um, can anybody say Matt Cassell? Was good enough to start over Hollywood Matt…But now who’s laughing? Mister Hollywood can’t beat out a 37-year grocery bagger…Nor will he ever! Staying in LALA and taking dance 101 sure did help him and his career as a backup, now didn’t it!
It’s no secret that there’s a 50/50 shot of quarterbacks making a splash in the NFL to those who go boom. For every Peyton Manning there’s Ryan Leaf…Where there’s a Drew Bledsoe, Rick Mirer isn’t too far behind. Daute Culpepper and Cade McNown. Hell, for all we know Sanchez just might be better than Stafford. If Carroll’s not on board, he’s not on board, although doesn’t it seem sort of bush-league for Carroll to suggest to a rapt audience, basically, that look for this kid to fail in the NFL by the decision he’s made here today. Now we’d all expect this sort of temper tantrum out of Urban Meyer perhaps, but it’s surprising coming from Petey!
Okay, so "Mark’s going against the grain", while that for all intensive purposes is true…My guess is Reggie Bush went "with the grain" when he skipped his senior season, (aside the fact that he needed to pay people off, but we won’t go there) and, um, how has that turned out? Oh yeah, the newest version of Tony Mandarich. Vince Young went with the grain…Now he’s a basket case. Yes, "the grain" might be a measuring factor, but you don’t know any better what Mark’s going to be at the next level than some unemployed fat ass couch potato stuffing his piehole with some Cheetos and turning the remote control orange! So why don’t you make like your him and go do that…I’m sure Sanchez will buy you a bag with the jack that will be coming his way in April courtesy of his "going against the grain" yesterday!
And for you next press conference…Could you say your "disappointment" a little louder!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
T.O. to Go?
Let’s think back for a minute…Remember a few years ago Terrell Owens had over 20 million reasons to live. Twenty million reasons to not be a pill popper and end his life. Now let’s fast forward…Currently it looks as if Jerry Jones has 3.1 million reasons to part ways with the 35-year old receiver before June. Oh that, along side with the fact the perception that he's not the easiest guy to work with either…So I’ve heard. This combination of sorts might just have a little something to do with the speculation that the Cowboys might release him in the coming months.
Wow, no kidding? Amazing! Not the easiest to get along with…One who does a team more harm than good actually might be released. Holy shit! I’m holy shitting due to the fact that there shouldn’t be any speculation what so ever…This isn’t a tough decision at all! A tough call would be either a blonde or brunette, apple sauce or rice cakes…This is a no brainer! Although since we’re talking about Jerry Jones and the Cowboys, I wouldn’t be surprised for him to be around next season only because the new stadium is opening up. More fannies in the seats, more Bens in Jer-Jers pocket! Got to pay off $1 billion some how. However, various reports confirm that Owens tenure in Dallas could be all but over.
No doubt Jerry Jones has a shit load of questions in his head about the Popcorn Man…The first question should and needs to be is investing $3.1 million more dollars in cancer spreading it all through the team worth having another worthless season? Aside from one big question that hasn’t been answered aside from when Bill Parcells was roaming the sidelines…"Do we have anybody on staff who can control T.O.?". Even when Tuna was holding court in Big D, Owens still managed to make the airwaves…Having felt "disrespected" by the way Parcells came at him. Well, good news T.O., the Tuna has swam south, so no worries!
What is a worry for Owens is that come June he might very well be filling out unemployment papers like so many of us have done across the nation. Cowboys should and need to part ways with this disease! For the dumbasses out there who tend to think if the Cowboys let the cancerous one go, he’s only going to come back and haunt you in the end…I ask you, on what foundation does that thought come from? First of all, he’s 35-years old…He’s lost a step or two…Wheels are close to falling off! Has become, (in addition to not being the best teammate) to develop a serious case of cast-iron skillet hands disease. And has he come back to haunt San Francisco? Baltimore? Philadelphia? Somehow I don’t think so. So for all you dumbshits that think that, well, I guess you still think there’s a monster in your closet and you have to still sleep with a night light on! Since joining the Cowboys, how has Owens helped the team? (UTTER SILENCE) Yeah, thought so! So how about doing some radiation therapy to cure the problem? And use that 3.1 to sign T.J. Hosurmama? Or if Jerry still wants a big name…Ocho Stinky, where you at, boy?
Besides, isn’t it time for Jerry Jones to clean up the Cowboys a little? Tank Johnson…Pacman Jones…Terrell Owens. True, Owens doesn’t come packing like the other two…And a much better person off the field, (I think…Simply put, doesn’t want to put a cap in anyone) than Pacman. T.O. has never fought his bodyguard in a hotel bathroom, (there’s nothing like a real-life like game of Pacman at 2 am) doesn't murder puppies, (how ya doing Michael Vick?) Rather, he just shits on teams…Makes himself bigger than the collective and in the end always looking like an asshole! And whose trademark saying goes something like…"I Love Me Some Me". And he wonders why the perception of him is the way it is, funny! What a JAGGOFF!
So if Owens has popped his last pill in Dallas, where does he go next? Of course besides from Oakland…But the Black Hole would be a lovely fit now, wouldn’t it? AGAIN, UTTER SILENCE!! How about in San Francisco so Mike Singletary can beat his f-ing ass and then tell him to take a shower!! I know some dumbass GM will sign him if available…But really, who?
Hey, I hear the Giants need a top receiver…
Wow, no kidding? Amazing! Not the easiest to get along with…One who does a team more harm than good actually might be released. Holy shit! I’m holy shitting due to the fact that there shouldn’t be any speculation what so ever…This isn’t a tough decision at all! A tough call would be either a blonde or brunette, apple sauce or rice cakes…This is a no brainer! Although since we’re talking about Jerry Jones and the Cowboys, I wouldn’t be surprised for him to be around next season only because the new stadium is opening up. More fannies in the seats, more Bens in Jer-Jers pocket! Got to pay off $1 billion some how. However, various reports confirm that Owens tenure in Dallas could be all but over.
No doubt Jerry Jones has a shit load of questions in his head about the Popcorn Man…The first question should and needs to be is investing $3.1 million more dollars in cancer spreading it all through the team worth having another worthless season? Aside from one big question that hasn’t been answered aside from when Bill Parcells was roaming the sidelines…"Do we have anybody on staff who can control T.O.?". Even when Tuna was holding court in Big D, Owens still managed to make the airwaves…Having felt "disrespected" by the way Parcells came at him. Well, good news T.O., the Tuna has swam south, so no worries!
What is a worry for Owens is that come June he might very well be filling out unemployment papers like so many of us have done across the nation. Cowboys should and need to part ways with this disease! For the dumbasses out there who tend to think if the Cowboys let the cancerous one go, he’s only going to come back and haunt you in the end…I ask you, on what foundation does that thought come from? First of all, he’s 35-years old…He’s lost a step or two…Wheels are close to falling off! Has become, (in addition to not being the best teammate) to develop a serious case of cast-iron skillet hands disease. And has he come back to haunt San Francisco? Baltimore? Philadelphia? Somehow I don’t think so. So for all you dumbshits that think that, well, I guess you still think there’s a monster in your closet and you have to still sleep with a night light on! Since joining the Cowboys, how has Owens helped the team? (UTTER SILENCE) Yeah, thought so! So how about doing some radiation therapy to cure the problem? And use that 3.1 to sign T.J. Hosurmama? Or if Jerry still wants a big name…Ocho Stinky, where you at, boy?
Besides, isn’t it time for Jerry Jones to clean up the Cowboys a little? Tank Johnson…Pacman Jones…Terrell Owens. True, Owens doesn’t come packing like the other two…And a much better person off the field, (I think…Simply put, doesn’t want to put a cap in anyone) than Pacman. T.O. has never fought his bodyguard in a hotel bathroom, (there’s nothing like a real-life like game of Pacman at 2 am) doesn't murder puppies, (how ya doing Michael Vick?) Rather, he just shits on teams…Makes himself bigger than the collective and in the end always looking like an asshole! And whose trademark saying goes something like…"I Love Me Some Me". And he wonders why the perception of him is the way it is, funny! What a JAGGOFF!
So if Owens has popped his last pill in Dallas, where does he go next? Of course besides from Oakland…But the Black Hole would be a lovely fit now, wouldn’t it? AGAIN, UTTER SILENCE!! How about in San Francisco so Mike Singletary can beat his f-ing ass and then tell him to take a shower!! I know some dumbass GM will sign him if available…But really, who?
Hey, I hear the Giants need a top receiver…
Help Change My Name...
Look, we all know politicians are bizarre human beings no matter what you political views might be…Doing things, that, well, really don’t make sense to any one of us but them. Although I’ll say in the case of President Bill Clinton and New York Governor Eliot Spitzer we know exactly what’s it’s like for the ball and chain to not hold up her end of the agreement…All been there, all know what it’s like! That’s why such an occupation exists in this country…GOSH! So this makes complete sense to us…And it’s about the only thing that makes sense to us! Now if Obama can institute a college playoff somehow…Hell, he’ll go down as the best president this country has ever seen, (just too bad I think he might have bigger issues on his plate than that…just a guess!)
Yes, politicians are strange breeds, seeing things which makes normal peeps like you and I left to say, "Are you F-ING kidding me!"…And once again yesterday, we got the chance yet again why we have this perception of politicians who are nothing more than idiots! Now in all fairness to every lying ass politician out there perhaps this is only a Pittsburgh thing, and the mayor’s trying to fit in, ("at least for a week") with all the other dumbasses in his city, but to change your name from Mayor Luke Ravenstahl to be known as Luke Steelerstahl — at least for this week…It’s no wonder why we dislike these shit for brains!!
Mayor Shithead on his new name change…
"On behalf of the Steelers Nation, I've decided to remove the word 'Ravens' from my name just like the Steelers will remove them from the AFC Championship," he told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, in regards to the upcoming playoff game against the Baltimore Ravens.
I suppose he felt threatened that his Mayors pad was going to get torched by some insane Steeler fan or something like that. So to make sure that wasn’t going to happen, Ravenstahl began the process of a legal name change, but his paperwork has not gone through because it wasn't complete. The civil count in Pittsburgh also said it didn't receive the required $108 check to process the request. Imagine that and go figure…A politician not completely following through on what he set out to do…SHOCKER!
Although this got me thinking…Honestly, I’m very unhappy with my name as well! And in lieu of Mayor Dumbfu**’s idea, (thanks Mayor Shithead) I think changing my name will do me some good. However, with all the names to choose from out there, I’m having trouble selecting one! I’ve narrowed it down to a hand full below, but just don’t know which one to legally change my name to…They’re all good choices! So yes, I’m looking for all the input I can get! From the collection of names below, what would you change it to? Or if you have a name in mind not listed below, I’m open for suggestions!
Handjob, (first name, Rod)
Kunter, (that’s with a K…First name, Mike)
Hyman, (first name, Buster)
Crickettkiller, (first name, Sparky)
Glasscok, (first name, Harry)
Zyzziki, (first name, Zizzy)
Ennis, (first name, "P"eter)
Pussey, (first name, Frank)
Greasadick, (first name, Richard)
Creamer, (first name, Dick)
Colon, (first name, Mudd)
Balls, (first name, Crystal…In case I want to go that route. Leaving my options open)
Skank, (first name, Stu)
Gay, (first name, Ben)
Pipe, (first name, Dwayne)
Magnum, (first name, Jimmy)
Meoff, (first name, Jack)
Butzlaff, (first name Marv)
Dingler, (first name, Harry)
Raines, (first name, Dallas…In case the porno industry comes calling)
Yes, politicians are strange breeds, seeing things which makes normal peeps like you and I left to say, "Are you F-ING kidding me!"…And once again yesterday, we got the chance yet again why we have this perception of politicians who are nothing more than idiots! Now in all fairness to every lying ass politician out there perhaps this is only a Pittsburgh thing, and the mayor’s trying to fit in, ("at least for a week") with all the other dumbasses in his city, but to change your name from Mayor Luke Ravenstahl to be known as Luke Steelerstahl — at least for this week…It’s no wonder why we dislike these shit for brains!!
Mayor Shithead on his new name change…
"On behalf of the Steelers Nation, I've decided to remove the word 'Ravens' from my name just like the Steelers will remove them from the AFC Championship," he told the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, in regards to the upcoming playoff game against the Baltimore Ravens.
I suppose he felt threatened that his Mayors pad was going to get torched by some insane Steeler fan or something like that. So to make sure that wasn’t going to happen, Ravenstahl began the process of a legal name change, but his paperwork has not gone through because it wasn't complete. The civil count in Pittsburgh also said it didn't receive the required $108 check to process the request. Imagine that and go figure…A politician not completely following through on what he set out to do…SHOCKER!
Although this got me thinking…Honestly, I’m very unhappy with my name as well! And in lieu of Mayor Dumbfu**’s idea, (thanks Mayor Shithead) I think changing my name will do me some good. However, with all the names to choose from out there, I’m having trouble selecting one! I’ve narrowed it down to a hand full below, but just don’t know which one to legally change my name to…They’re all good choices! So yes, I’m looking for all the input I can get! From the collection of names below, what would you change it to? Or if you have a name in mind not listed below, I’m open for suggestions!
Handjob, (first name, Rod)
Kunter, (that’s with a K…First name, Mike)
Hyman, (first name, Buster)
Crickettkiller, (first name, Sparky)
Glasscok, (first name, Harry)
Zyzziki, (first name, Zizzy)
Ennis, (first name, "P"eter)
Pussey, (first name, Frank)
Greasadick, (first name, Richard)
Creamer, (first name, Dick)
Colon, (first name, Mudd)
Balls, (first name, Crystal…In case I want to go that route. Leaving my options open)
Skank, (first name, Stu)
Gay, (first name, Ben)
Pipe, (first name, Dwayne)
Magnum, (first name, Jimmy)
Meoff, (first name, Jack)
Butzlaff, (first name Marv)
Dingler, (first name, Harry)
Raines, (first name, Dallas…In case the porno industry comes calling)
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Please Come Back Plax…Please!
How good must it be to be Plaxico Burress? Well, aside for the fact that your manhood almost got taken from you by your own glock. By hey, those are minor details. It’s not like everybody has the privilege of wearing sweatpants to a night club, not only that but gaining entry. On top of that, lets see…Catch the game-winning touchdown in the Super Bowl, gets rewarded for what he bring to the football field with a nice, crisp, fat contract. Having the ability to march to a different beat of the drum as his Giants teammates do, in not being obligated to contact team personnel to notify them of “family matters” that came up, thus you’ll be a no show for meetings…With punishment being a slap on the wrist.
Turns out, that little slap on the wrist by the Giants, which resulted in that one game suspension, didn’t hurt any…Although, did it? Perhaps that one game suspension gave Giants false hope…False hope that they in fact didn’t need all of Plax’s sideshows that accompanies him to team headquarters! Hindsight is 20/20, but don’t think for a second if the Giants knew how shit was going to go down the shitter without Burress that they would’ve told him to go take a leap off the Empire State Building! What seemed like a sure bet that Plax would never play for the Giants again just about six weeks ago…Well, I guess that’s why nothing’s for sure!
Since Plax hunkered down in his ammo filled fox hole, the Giants went from favorites to repeat to impersonating the Knicks on the gridiron! Eli looks like a deer in the headlights who lost his dog…The receiving corps that the Giants felt so strongly about, who they had confidence in to fill in for the loss of Plax didn’t and can’t get it done. What once looked so promising for a return trip to the Super Bowl ended up being a front row seat on the couch in the friendly confines of home watching the NFC Conference Championship Game…Knowing damn well you should be playing in it if it wasn’t for Plexiglas trying to shoot off his grapes!
All this over one guy and yet members of the team wanted this cat back. Funny, I was under the impression nobody wanted him around…We don’t need him! We have very capable receivers to fill his void! At least that was the wind everybody was blowing out of their pieholes! Capable receivers, huh? Yeah, sure you do! That’s why now everybody wants Burress and all the baggage that he brings with him. Yes, the winds have changed in New York! The whimpers of bringing Plax back can be heard all throughout the Northeast… “Please bring Plax back, PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE!” Oh cry me a river! And what must Burress be thinking…He knows the situation! Knows the Giants can’t get it done without him! There by potentially making him even more of a distraction if the Giants do decide to bring him back…For all intensive purposes giving him the perspective no matter what he does, Plax can do no wrong! There’s a recipe for success! Betty Crocker is smiling somewhere! In addition, what the hell kind of message are you sending to the rest of the players who go about their business in the professional manner that is supposed to be…Huh? That’s for being a model team member, but we can’t win without this sweatpants wearing, dumbass who likes to shot himself in the leg mother f********. Awesome!
Yeah, here’s a crazy idea…I hear TJ Hosyourmama is a free agent. I’d even go as far to see what Ocho Stinko is up to. Or did somebody even say draft? What that’s? Michael Crabtree is coming out? Isn’t that funny! It’s a given that priority one for the G-Men in the off-season is to get a legit threat at receiver…However, rollar coasters never change. So if Plax is welcome back, well prepare for the ride. The Giants made their seat on the couch for this coming Sunday along with Super Bowl Sunday…Now the only thing to do is sit in it and wonder what would’ve happened if Burress didn’t try to shoot off his grapes. Or if he would’ve had jeans on instead of sweatpants.
Turns out, that little slap on the wrist by the Giants, which resulted in that one game suspension, didn’t hurt any…Although, did it? Perhaps that one game suspension gave Giants false hope…False hope that they in fact didn’t need all of Plax’s sideshows that accompanies him to team headquarters! Hindsight is 20/20, but don’t think for a second if the Giants knew how shit was going to go down the shitter without Burress that they would’ve told him to go take a leap off the Empire State Building! What seemed like a sure bet that Plax would never play for the Giants again just about six weeks ago…Well, I guess that’s why nothing’s for sure!
Since Plax hunkered down in his ammo filled fox hole, the Giants went from favorites to repeat to impersonating the Knicks on the gridiron! Eli looks like a deer in the headlights who lost his dog…The receiving corps that the Giants felt so strongly about, who they had confidence in to fill in for the loss of Plax didn’t and can’t get it done. What once looked so promising for a return trip to the Super Bowl ended up being a front row seat on the couch in the friendly confines of home watching the NFC Conference Championship Game…Knowing damn well you should be playing in it if it wasn’t for Plexiglas trying to shoot off his grapes!
All this over one guy and yet members of the team wanted this cat back. Funny, I was under the impression nobody wanted him around…We don’t need him! We have very capable receivers to fill his void! At least that was the wind everybody was blowing out of their pieholes! Capable receivers, huh? Yeah, sure you do! That’s why now everybody wants Burress and all the baggage that he brings with him. Yes, the winds have changed in New York! The whimpers of bringing Plax back can be heard all throughout the Northeast… “Please bring Plax back, PPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEEE!” Oh cry me a river! And what must Burress be thinking…He knows the situation! Knows the Giants can’t get it done without him! There by potentially making him even more of a distraction if the Giants do decide to bring him back…For all intensive purposes giving him the perspective no matter what he does, Plax can do no wrong! There’s a recipe for success! Betty Crocker is smiling somewhere! In addition, what the hell kind of message are you sending to the rest of the players who go about their business in the professional manner that is supposed to be…Huh? That’s for being a model team member, but we can’t win without this sweatpants wearing, dumbass who likes to shot himself in the leg mother f********. Awesome!
Yeah, here’s a crazy idea…I hear TJ Hosyourmama is a free agent. I’d even go as far to see what Ocho Stinko is up to. Or did somebody even say draft? What that’s? Michael Crabtree is coming out? Isn’t that funny! It’s a given that priority one for the G-Men in the off-season is to get a legit threat at receiver…However, rollar coasters never change. So if Plax is welcome back, well prepare for the ride. The Giants made their seat on the couch for this coming Sunday along with Super Bowl Sunday…Now the only thing to do is sit in it and wonder what would’ve happened if Burress didn’t try to shoot off his grapes. Or if he would’ve had jeans on instead of sweatpants.
Hockey Announcer Turns Boxer Analysis in an Instant…A Classic
We always give the sport of hockey a bad rap…Sure the NHL brass are like Kindergarten Cops when in comes to marketing and promoting the sport. Sure the games, (aside from Sundays on NBC beginning the second week in January) are televised with an analog signal and nobody can get them without their boob tubes blowing major gaskets. Who’s tried to hold All-Star games in the middle of the week…The list of nightmares this league has made is longer than Pacman Jones’s wrap sheet.
Still, if you ask anybody about the game of hockey, to a man they say it’s a great game to watch. Especially those who reside in places like Wyoming where there’s absolutely shit to do! In towns where minor league hockey is it, hockey gives the people to come out of their homes and join the human race for at least a little while. Aside from having a reason to join civilization at least for a few hours, these folks are just like any others who attend hockey games…They come hoping to see a fight. As we all known there’s nothing like a knock-down, drag out on the ice!
Attendees for the Corpus Christi Ice Rays and the Bossier-Shreveport Mudbugs had their wet dreams ultimately come to true…As they witness a classic hockey brawl, (yes, brawl, not fight) getting their money worth for in excess three plus minutes! Roll it…
Love the goalies thinking they’re Michelle Kwan circling each other as they map out a game plan in their head! "Should I come with the jab, the upper cut, or the left hook?" Love That! Not to get lost in all this is the play-by-play man…I was thinking has more spunk than Gus Johnson, (Gus, you better take a double shot of 5-hour energy if you want to be on this cat level! Having the ability to flip a switch to go from hockey play-by play dude to a ring side announcer. For the next Holyfield fight, (and we all know there’s going to be one) this cat needs to call it! And definitely look for the catch phrase "Gooning It Up" in the hockey broadcast inner circle!
Still, if you ask anybody about the game of hockey, to a man they say it’s a great game to watch. Especially those who reside in places like Wyoming where there’s absolutely shit to do! In towns where minor league hockey is it, hockey gives the people to come out of their homes and join the human race for at least a little while. Aside from having a reason to join civilization at least for a few hours, these folks are just like any others who attend hockey games…They come hoping to see a fight. As we all known there’s nothing like a knock-down, drag out on the ice!
Attendees for the Corpus Christi Ice Rays and the Bossier-Shreveport Mudbugs had their wet dreams ultimately come to true…As they witness a classic hockey brawl, (yes, brawl, not fight) getting their money worth for in excess three plus minutes! Roll it…
Love the goalies thinking they’re Michelle Kwan circling each other as they map out a game plan in their head! "Should I come with the jab, the upper cut, or the left hook?" Love That! Not to get lost in all this is the play-by-play man…I was thinking has more spunk than Gus Johnson, (Gus, you better take a double shot of 5-hour energy if you want to be on this cat level! Having the ability to flip a switch to go from hockey play-by play dude to a ring side announcer. For the next Holyfield fight, (and we all know there’s going to be one) this cat needs to call it! And definitely look for the catch phrase "Gooning It Up" in the hockey broadcast inner circle!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Whose Jersey is in Your Closet?
There’s a loaded question of sorts. Is it the milk dude (that’s your business, I sure as hell don’t want to know), the UPS lady, Mr. And Mrs. Claus, Playboy’s Miss March 2007 (or whichever month/year bubbles your blood), your kid? How about oh, Peyton Manning and of course brother Eli. Tony Romo? Never know, Jessica might be in there too.
Brett Farve, Steve Smith, Randy Moss? If you haven’t figured out that I’m referring to jerseys, might I suggest laying off the retard sandwich diet for awhile! Yes, we all have them in our closets…Along with a ball and chain who keeps nagging the shit out of us to get rid of them. Hey bitch, do we tell you to get rid of the 100 pairs of shoes that you own for the two feet that you have? Or the 50 purses you’ve obtained when you can carry only one at a time. Or how about the 25 bras that for whatever reason you need when you only have two tits! Yeah, how about that shit…So don’t be bitching about our jerseys stuffed in the back of the closet!
Sorry about that, had to get that off my chest! As I was saying, as all sports it’s like a prerequisite for each and everyone of us to have some kind of jersey…No matter if it’s from the NBA, MLB, NFL, NCAA, and yes even NHL. Fans & jerseys are just a staple throughout sports! Some treat jerseys as baseball cards and just collect them! For some it’s a way to show team pride, for others it’s a way for them to show off their favorite player even if he doesn’t necessarily play for our favorite team.
So today, the NFL released it’s annual Top 20 selling jerseys of 2008…Some are staples in who you’d figured to be on the list. While others might be a bit of a surprise of both appearing in the Top 20 for this year and not appearing. Take a looksy.
First off, what’s up with the top 3? Ok, I get Favre…Gotta have that new, fresh Jets gear since this is the only year consumers will ever see him in Green & White, (or at least it should be)! But Romo and Eli two and three…Are you kidding me? What, one dates a blonde bombshell and one throws a hailmary in the Super Bowl that sticks to David Tyree’s melon and they suddenly have their threads in hot commodity. Romo shouldn’t even be the best seller on his team, but rather Marion Barber! And you’re going to tell me more peeps wanted an Eli jersey over a Peyton one? Maybe so, only because that they’ve become like assholes…Everybody has one! I guess that’s why L.T’s just below him at nine…Or the fact that he’s turning into a punk ass puss! Although, I’ll admit I do have two of his powder blues.
I find it funny, for a cat who didn’t even play a half of football…Who has "Swiss Cheese Knee", Tom Brady lands at 11. And that’s just above a douche bag who spreads cancer throughout a locker room faster than a California wildfire. Don’t get that shit? Those two make it, but Phillip Rivers, after having a career year didn’t make this Top 20 on top of a solid year last season? No Larry Fitzgerald, No Steve Smith & DeAngelo Williams, No Ray Lewis or Ed Reed? However, Jason Witten makes the list at seven, makes sense like having six fingers on one hand! Glad to see Matt Ryan made the list…First of many!
Just some of my thoughts…Lets drink!
Brett Farve, Steve Smith, Randy Moss? If you haven’t figured out that I’m referring to jerseys, might I suggest laying off the retard sandwich diet for awhile! Yes, we all have them in our closets…Along with a ball and chain who keeps nagging the shit out of us to get rid of them. Hey bitch, do we tell you to get rid of the 100 pairs of shoes that you own for the two feet that you have? Or the 50 purses you’ve obtained when you can carry only one at a time. Or how about the 25 bras that for whatever reason you need when you only have two tits! Yeah, how about that shit…So don’t be bitching about our jerseys stuffed in the back of the closet!
Sorry about that, had to get that off my chest! As I was saying, as all sports it’s like a prerequisite for each and everyone of us to have some kind of jersey…No matter if it’s from the NBA, MLB, NFL, NCAA, and yes even NHL. Fans & jerseys are just a staple throughout sports! Some treat jerseys as baseball cards and just collect them! For some it’s a way to show team pride, for others it’s a way for them to show off their favorite player even if he doesn’t necessarily play for our favorite team.
So today, the NFL released it’s annual Top 20 selling jerseys of 2008…Some are staples in who you’d figured to be on the list. While others might be a bit of a surprise of both appearing in the Top 20 for this year and not appearing. Take a looksy.
First off, what’s up with the top 3? Ok, I get Favre…Gotta have that new, fresh Jets gear since this is the only year consumers will ever see him in Green & White, (or at least it should be)! But Romo and Eli two and three…Are you kidding me? What, one dates a blonde bombshell and one throws a hailmary in the Super Bowl that sticks to David Tyree’s melon and they suddenly have their threads in hot commodity. Romo shouldn’t even be the best seller on his team, but rather Marion Barber! And you’re going to tell me more peeps wanted an Eli jersey over a Peyton one? Maybe so, only because that they’ve become like assholes…Everybody has one! I guess that’s why L.T’s just below him at nine…Or the fact that he’s turning into a punk ass puss! Although, I’ll admit I do have two of his powder blues.
I find it funny, for a cat who didn’t even play a half of football…Who has "Swiss Cheese Knee", Tom Brady lands at 11. And that’s just above a douche bag who spreads cancer throughout a locker room faster than a California wildfire. Don’t get that shit? Those two make it, but Phillip Rivers, after having a career year didn’t make this Top 20 on top of a solid year last season? No Larry Fitzgerald, No Steve Smith & DeAngelo Williams, No Ray Lewis or Ed Reed? However, Jason Witten makes the list at seven, makes sense like having six fingers on one hand! Glad to see Matt Ryan made the list…First of many!
Just some of my thoughts…Lets drink!
Leftwich Tells Bears “Look Me Up”
Here we have the Shittsburgh Squeelers one game away from another Super Bowl appearance and of all people making headlines as they prepare for the Ravens is their backup quarterback of all people. Not that this is a distraction by any means…Now, if Big Ben forgot his motorcycle helmet again and was seen riding without one, that, that would be considered a distraction. This is more along the lines of a 5-year old asking his/her parents where babies come from only to get a bull shit answer.
So Leftwich wants to be in Chicago next season, huh? I guess he’s tired of his job being to ask Ben how many fingers he's holding up on the sidelines every time he crumbles to the ground, courtesy of either that great offensive line or doing his best David Carr impersonation and holding the ball too freaking long. It goes without saying that it's no secret that any competitor would rather have a starting job, and Leftwich is no different. However, didn’t this cat already have two opportunities to do just that…Be a starting quarterback? Okay, so perhaps the whole Falcons situation was less than ideal and wasn’t all Leftwich’s fault…But one has to wonder, ideal or not, if one can’t beat out Joey Harrington and Chris Redman just exactly how good is Byron. True, he showed us flashs while in Jacksonville, 2005 when he compiled an 89.3 rating in his 11 starts, throwing 15 touchdowns and only five picks…But is that cat still around or is he dead?
This reaching out to the Bears intrigues me to say the least since I am a Bear fan…And considering we have dumb and dumber as are signal callers an upgrade is needed and would be surely welcomed! Although, I’m here to say that I’d be absolutely shocked, (Arizona Cardinals one game away from the Super Bowl shocked) to see the Bears brass address any quarterback needs. Rather choosing to say something to the realm of “we are very happy with our quarterbacks!” Yeah, you might be, but you might want to poll the defense and see if they’re in the same boat with you on that. Having said that, I don't necessarily think Kyle Orton was the problem this past season. There were worse holes on the team than the quarterback position. Was he inconstant? Sure, but hey…That’s Chicago Bears quarterbacks for you! Was the defense inconstant too? You betcha! Did their secondary resemble that of a piece of Swiss cheese…Having holes all over the freaking place? You betcha ass they did!
By bringing in/signing a legitimate starter, at the very least he provides better competition for Orton than Wrecks Grossman, (who incidentally desperately needs a change of scenery at this point, so take that bullshit contract and go back up Aaron Rodgers or Brady Quinn). You’re not loosing anything by bringing Leftwich or anybody else aboard…And besides, it’s not like BL’s not inexperienced, or old. The past two seasons you’ve had Dumbass #1 and Dumbass #2 in your quarterback stable, (never mind that Dumbass #2 cost you a realistic chance of winning Super Bowl XLI) well in short, this combo doesn’t work! You douches in the front office need to realize this and listen to the words coming out of Byron’s cakehole…
''I'm a fan of Lovie Smith, I'll just say that. I thought that was where I was going to go in the beginning. I remember hoping that I would go there. I just wanted to be a part of the tradition, the history of the Bears. You're growing up, watching games at Soldier Field on TV, I wanted to be a part of that coming out. I thought there was a chance I would go there.” For more on Leftwich.
By not addressing your Pop Warner quarterback situation and not shaking shit up, all you’re doing is wasting yet again another formable defense! Aww, funny…That’s another thing the Chicago Bears are known for as well. Not only having no quarterbacks, but also wasting away their defenses! Anybody see any sort of correlation here?
So Leftwich wants to be in Chicago next season, huh? I guess he’s tired of his job being to ask Ben how many fingers he's holding up on the sidelines every time he crumbles to the ground, courtesy of either that great offensive line or doing his best David Carr impersonation and holding the ball too freaking long. It goes without saying that it's no secret that any competitor would rather have a starting job, and Leftwich is no different. However, didn’t this cat already have two opportunities to do just that…Be a starting quarterback? Okay, so perhaps the whole Falcons situation was less than ideal and wasn’t all Leftwich’s fault…But one has to wonder, ideal or not, if one can’t beat out Joey Harrington and Chris Redman just exactly how good is Byron. True, he showed us flashs while in Jacksonville, 2005 when he compiled an 89.3 rating in his 11 starts, throwing 15 touchdowns and only five picks…But is that cat still around or is he dead?
This reaching out to the Bears intrigues me to say the least since I am a Bear fan…And considering we have dumb and dumber as are signal callers an upgrade is needed and would be surely welcomed! Although, I’m here to say that I’d be absolutely shocked, (Arizona Cardinals one game away from the Super Bowl shocked) to see the Bears brass address any quarterback needs. Rather choosing to say something to the realm of “we are very happy with our quarterbacks!” Yeah, you might be, but you might want to poll the defense and see if they’re in the same boat with you on that. Having said that, I don't necessarily think Kyle Orton was the problem this past season. There were worse holes on the team than the quarterback position. Was he inconstant? Sure, but hey…That’s Chicago Bears quarterbacks for you! Was the defense inconstant too? You betcha! Did their secondary resemble that of a piece of Swiss cheese…Having holes all over the freaking place? You betcha ass they did!
By bringing in/signing a legitimate starter, at the very least he provides better competition for Orton than Wrecks Grossman, (who incidentally desperately needs a change of scenery at this point, so take that bullshit contract and go back up Aaron Rodgers or Brady Quinn). You’re not loosing anything by bringing Leftwich or anybody else aboard…And besides, it’s not like BL’s not inexperienced, or old. The past two seasons you’ve had Dumbass #1 and Dumbass #2 in your quarterback stable, (never mind that Dumbass #2 cost you a realistic chance of winning Super Bowl XLI) well in short, this combo doesn’t work! You douches in the front office need to realize this and listen to the words coming out of Byron’s cakehole…
''I'm a fan of Lovie Smith, I'll just say that. I thought that was where I was going to go in the beginning. I remember hoping that I would go there. I just wanted to be a part of the tradition, the history of the Bears. You're growing up, watching games at Soldier Field on TV, I wanted to be a part of that coming out. I thought there was a chance I would go there.” For more on Leftwich.
By not addressing your Pop Warner quarterback situation and not shaking shit up, all you’re doing is wasting yet again another formable defense! Aww, funny…That’s another thing the Chicago Bears are known for as well. Not only having no quarterbacks, but also wasting away their defenses! Anybody see any sort of correlation here?
Monday, January 12, 2009
Jeff Fisher Undies are Still in a Bunch
Jeff Fisher’s thoughts on gaffe of a possible delay of game non-call in stride after Saturday night's playoff loss to Baltimore, was less charitable on Sunday.
"I've always maintained that there's a human element in the game as far as officiating is concerned. [They're] going to make mistakes; it is part of our game,'' Fisher said, according to The Tennessean. "But this particular mistake was unacceptable. There is no excuse for it, it was a mistake, and it was a costly mistake. "It was not the reason we lost the game, but it was a mistake, an error.'' "I have seen them close,'' he said. "But not this much delay."
Jeff, look on the bright side bud…Ed Hochuli was no where to be found! My guess go ole Ed was some where on the bench press, doing three sets of 10 reps at 225 pounds. Rather his partner in crime Terry McAuley drove that "Titan Sword" up your ass in saying there’s a "natural delay" when the back judge looks from the play clock to the center to see if the ball is snapped.
My only question here is, um, lets just say if it was the Ravens who got the pigskin shoved up their asses by McAuley and company, would Fisher still have his Calvin Kleins in a bunch and still think it was "so unacceptable".
Hmm…I just have a feeling the Honkey Tonk tune in Nashville would be a little different…Then again, I don’t know much!
"I've always maintained that there's a human element in the game as far as officiating is concerned. [They're] going to make mistakes; it is part of our game,'' Fisher said, according to The Tennessean. "But this particular mistake was unacceptable. There is no excuse for it, it was a mistake, and it was a costly mistake. "It was not the reason we lost the game, but it was a mistake, an error.'' "I have seen them close,'' he said. "But not this much delay."
Jeff, look on the bright side bud…Ed Hochuli was no where to be found! My guess go ole Ed was some where on the bench press, doing three sets of 10 reps at 225 pounds. Rather his partner in crime Terry McAuley drove that "Titan Sword" up your ass in saying there’s a "natural delay" when the back judge looks from the play clock to the center to see if the ball is snapped.
My only question here is, um, lets just say if it was the Ravens who got the pigskin shoved up their asses by McAuley and company, would Fisher still have his Calvin Kleins in a bunch and still think it was "so unacceptable".
Hmm…I just have a feeling the Honkey Tonk tune in Nashville would be a little different…Then again, I don’t know much!
Don’t Question Tim Brando’s Knowledge of Auburn Jack!
And absolutely don’t question whether or not he’s played football or not! Screw basketball…We’re talking football!
Is it just me, or should Big Tim tried to slip a Roll Tide in there, see if "Caller Summerteeth" liked those apples or not? Wait a minute, on second thought, you can’t gnaw an apple with four teeth in your head…You be better suited to enter yourself in an ALF look a like contest!
A little side note here…Given as how we all love computers so much, I just want it to be known indeed how hot my blood bubbles for them too! Thanks to an incompetent towel head, camel jockey who goes by the fabulous name of Ash refusing to take the necessary steps to reconfigure LastRowSports.com for the past 3 months…I did what only I could do. Call Uncle Tony in so that Mr. Ash will soon resemble, well his name…And two, LastRowSports.com has moved it’s operations to a new place…
WARNING: For those with high cholesterol easy on the butter chicos!
Is it just me, or should Big Tim tried to slip a Roll Tide in there, see if "Caller Summerteeth" liked those apples or not? Wait a minute, on second thought, you can’t gnaw an apple with four teeth in your head…You be better suited to enter yourself in an ALF look a like contest!
A little side note here…Given as how we all love computers so much, I just want it to be known indeed how hot my blood bubbles for them too! Thanks to an incompetent towel head, camel jockey who goes by the fabulous name of Ash refusing to take the necessary steps to reconfigure LastRowSports.com for the past 3 months…I did what only I could do. Call Uncle Tony in so that Mr. Ash will soon resemble, well his name…And two, LastRowSports.com has moved it’s operations to a new place…
WARNING: For those with high cholesterol easy on the butter chicos!
Friday, January 9, 2009
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